Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A New Feeling

I have had the newest file at my house for three days and it has sat beside my computer upopened until last night. I am not sure why I did not rush to it and open it when Nate brought it home. I looked at the nice yellow expandable folder and then sat it down and walked away. I returned to it each day, put my hand on it, but then decided to do something else. If I Dr. Laura'ed myself with questions I am sure I could come up with some very profound reason I have put it aside, but for now I will just say I was not ready.

Last night, I took a drink, the folder and sprawled out across my bed ready to read all about this little boy. I dug into the first quarter of the package and found the pictures. There were three black and white photocopies of unposed pictures of a sweet little boy of 8 who needs a home. It helps me to have the picture sitting in front of me as I read all the information. The adoption packages seem to be anywhere from 200-400 pages (I have only read 3, Jeremy, Joshua and now this little boy's) of information. I read the who's, how's and why's of this little boy's life. I looked at all his pictures and I felt sad. Sad for this little boy who needs a home, sad that red flags were popping up in this folder for me, sad that I don't feel like our home will be the home for this little boy. I began to feel a new feeling--I am not sure what to call it, but it is not stems from saying no to a child who needs a home. I have not prepared in this whole process to say no to a child...and it makes me feel very guilty. I feel certain that we are not the home for this particular boy. Nate and I made a very clear boundary of what we felt we could introduce to our home, knowing our first priority is the children we have now. This child falls outside the boundaries we have set.

I know our children are out there and we must be patient waiting for God to bring them to us... I am praying for the patience and the wisdom we need to make the right decisions in this journey. I feel certain God knows our hearts and will guide us.

Prayer for the day:

God you know the desires of our hearts. Please read our hearts and guide us in the direction we should go. We lift ourselves up to you. Please give us wisdom. Please help us with our patience. We love You, we trust You, we want to do Your will.

In Him, Amen

1 comment:

  1. That is a beautiful post and prayer, sometimes this is the hardest thing to do, wait. I know I am definitely not always patient for God's will not mine to be done. We have a fmaily that we are very close to here that is not working with the foster program and we have seen them deal with and struggle to keep the established boundaries that they set with this children coming in and we have seen teh detriment to their kids when they have had to take kids outside these boundaries in. With this child, you can't help them all, but you guys are going to make a huge impact on the one that is right for your family. I think that it is important and great that you have clear boundaries set beforehand, otherwise sometimes our hearts and compassion take first seat to what is the best things for our family. I will continue to pray for you guys daily in this.