Fathers do not provoke your children, unless they become discouraged

I am up tonight late, lots on my mind. I received an interesting phone call tonight and so my head is racing. Insomnia seems to be a devoted companion, so I thought I would write.

Molly was very sick on Sunday and I spent most of the day holding her and laying with her on the couch. Molly is such a sweet little girl. She is very sensitive. She feels things and deeply. When she is angry..she is very angry. When she is happy, she twirls. Molly listens to everything that is said to her and wears it like an accessory. Molly does not get or appreciate insulting humor. She is very literal and does not pick up on the subtle sarcasm. She tends to hear compliments to others as comparitive insults to her. It is so concerning to me that she is so hard on herself.

I have been thinking a lot how to parent a child like this. I think the core is to create a safe haven for her. I also think that Nathan has a great responsiblity in making her feel special and beautiful. I am convinced little girls receive a very real sense of themselves from the estimation they receive from their father. It is amazing how one sentence said by that very special man in a girls life can haunt her in her quiet spaces all the days of her life. It is hard, I think, for men to realize the importance of being careful in their jesting with their daughters or the other little girls that bless their lives.

As I think of the days of her life to come, I know media messages, mean little girls, unsmitten boys and her own self doubt will challenge her to see herself as the beauty I see. I want for our home, our words and the words of those whom she values to cushion her from those things we will not be able to control. The best protection comes from years of being lifted up by those who love her...this means course jesting just is not appropriate....not for her.

Balancing this is the concern of helping her learn not to take herself to seriously. Teaching someone to laugh at themselves can not come from tearing them down in the name of jesting, instead I believe it comes from creating opportunities for them to begin to jest at themselves. I have not quite figured out how to make this happen, but it is my pursuit. I pray I find wisdom as I raise her--she is so like me in so many ways, so I feel I have insight on how she feels, I just feel like I am blind in navigating the road of parenting her well.

The Nugget

Received the file on the nugget. He is the little boy I saw on the webpage and was so drawn to. Oh how my heart is breaking for this dear little boy. What a tormented life he is leading. He has needs we just do not feel we are able to meet. It is so hard to want to love these children and not have the skill set it would take. I stand more convicted than ever we need to be reaching out to parents who are making bad choices. The effects of these choices are so destructive to children who then repeat the cycle. Yet in the repeat, there is so much damage done to the hearts of the children, they are worse off than their parents. How can this be?

Prayer for the day:
Oh Lord God I lift up the lives of Jeremy, Joshua and praise you that they have a family that will love them and teach them your ways. Lord please cover them in your care and protection. Lord please be with little C who needs a home who will be able to meet his needs, be with the foster family who is caring for him now. Lord please be with the little Nugget. He is so tormented Lord and I pray that you release him from his torment. Lord bring peace into his little heart and heal him of the pain he feels from the failures of his family. Lord I see these children and my heart aches. Lord please give us understanding as to how to be a salve to the wounds of the children who are hurting. Lord give us clear vision as to your will for us. I find it hard to pray that you bring us a child, because that means a child must be wounded, so I pray Lord that you bring us to the child that is wounded and use us to heal that child. Please lay on Nathan and my heart a united vision as to what you would have us to do. Please be with Fonda as she is working with these children daily. Please guide her to use us as you would have it be done. Help us to remember it is all for you and for your Glory. May it ever be.

In the name of Jesus,
Amen

Christmas

We headed down to my grandmother's home for a Christmas with the Kinser family. It was so much fun to be with everyone. We had a great dinner and a great round of dirty Santa. It was fun to be with all that were able to be there. After the presents we moved on to desserts. As Macy began to eat a cookie, she thought she got choked, but it appears that a stomach bug got hold of her. By midnight she was throwing up every fifteen minutes or so. She was unable to keep anything down. She was so pitiful. Nate and Macy stayed at the hotel, but pretty soon, Noah was not feeling well so I swept up all of our stuff and headed to get Nate and Macy to head home. When I got to the hotel, Macy's eyes were sunk deep into her head and she continued to take a drink, just to throw it back up. We loaded up the car, praying we would make it back home with little incident, but soon determined we better take Macy to the hospital. We realized she was dehydrated and we just could not get any fluids in her.

We drove to Murfreesboro and took Macy to the ER. Luckily, there were very few people there and we were taken to triage right away. As we were in Triage, Macy fainted, so they rushed us straight back to the ER. Watching Macy faint was more than a little frightning, and I was so glad we had her at the hospital. The doctor saw her and confirmed she was severly dehydrated. They hooked her up to an IV and put anti-nausea medicine in the IV. She was running a slight temperature when we got to the hospital and once they got her on the IV her fever spiked up. They were able to get Tylenol in her in about an hour.

She was so sweet. She whispered in my ear that she did not want me to let go of her hand because she was very scared. I wanted her to try to sleep, but I think she was so overwhelmed, she just couldn't. I climbed into bed with her and we both fell asleep. The nurse came in and woke me up and wanted to check her temperature. Her fever was going down and they needed a urine sample. Macy was very hard to wake up, but once she was awake, she looked so much better. Her eyes were shiny again and the gray paller was fading.

After about a five hour stay, she was released and we headed home. The bug has now made it's way through the entire family, save Molly....We are praying she is saved from the experience. We are laying low for a few days to be sure we are all better.

Surely a Christmas we will never forget.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas...I hope this season helps us all to remember we are all adopted children of God. It has been a great holiday season for us so far. We have already shared Christmas with the children with an early visit from Santa. We will be heading down to my grandmother's for Christmas with the Kinser clan and I am looking forward to being with the extended family....it has been a very long time since I have shared a Christmas with them.

Nathan and I were commenting last night how different we anticipated this Christmas being for us. We thought we would have the boys with us by Christmas. Although disaapointed, we began to realize as we approach a new year, we will have much to look forward to. I guess I should have asked Santa for a dose of patience!

Our family wishes you the very happiest of Holidays and a New Year of purpose, praise and joy.

Merry Christmas,
The Joneses

A gift

Today at lunch my friend Rachelle called and told me she had a quick story to tell me. Her daughter Sheldon is on a swim team and she and her family were at a meet when she struck up a conversation with the girl sitting beside her. The girl commented on Rachelle's kids, she has five, and Rachelle asked her, do you have a big family? The girl stated, I have a brother and my family just adopted two little boys we have been fostering. It struck Rachelle that this must be the family that adopted Jeremy and Joshua. She started to ask a lot of questions and learned about the family. She called me and told me this story and shared how loving and great a family Jeremy and Joshua seem to have. She hoped that this would bring me comfort. What a gift. In the past couple of weeks Nathan and I have begun to really feel at peace with the situation. This seems like a little nod from God, letting us know His will has been accomplished. It is an honor to have been a tool for his purposes.

Yesterday I was able to finally speak to Fonda about the decision about C. She is so wonderful to make us feel comfortable about our decisions and is very supportive. I am very thankful to have her on our team.

I think I have mentioned before about the picture of the Nugget. While we were still in the midst of the process with the boys, I was online and looking at the adoption listings for Kentucky and as I looked from picture to picture, one little boy stood out in my mind. I thought he was so cute and had such a glimmer of adventure in his eyes--I called Nathan and told him, "I know you are going to think I am crazy, but I have found a little boy, he is definitely our little boy..he is so cute, he's just a little nugget." I sent an email to Fonda about the nugget and she stated she thought we needed to focus on the boys, but she would check on his information and get back to us.

I keep having dreams about the nugget, so I mentioned him to her again yesterday. She has sent an official inquiry about him for us. I know very little of his past or circumstances, but for some reason he has stood out to me in the sea of these kiddos. I am anxious to hear all about the nugget.

Prayer for the day,

Lord, today I am feeling the weight of all the children who are in need of a home. I struggle with understanding why there are children who are in need when we are all so incredibly blessed. I believe you struggle in that understanding too. Lord, in this season, as hearts are soft and Your Son is on the hearts of mankind, please extend your grace and mercy on these children. Use as a tool the people who at this time are searching to do good. Lord bring into our lives the child or children you feel we can best love and Lord, while we wait, help us to make our home, our family, prepared for him/her/them. We love you lord, please extend the reflection of that love to the children who need us, as we need them.

In Jesus,
Amen

December 11, 2009

I still have not called Fonda to let her know we are not going to consider C for our family. I have meant to call her everyday since December 1. I just can not seem to bring myself to call her....to say out loud, "No, I don't want this child," is difficult for me and so in a truly cowardly way, I am practicing the art of avoidance. But today I am going to call. I am going to say those words and I am confident in the truth that C is just not "our" little boy. I guess he will be another boy we are intended to pray for, we will add him to the list with Joshua and Jeremy.

As I was laying in bed this morning, I was reprimanding myself for my lack of courage and confirming to myself that we will not be able to get to our child unless I take this step. I find myself talking to myself and to God almost simultaneously these days. "Lord, give me strength. Self, get up and be strong." "Lord, help me understand. Self, walk in faith, not understanding." Part of the problem is that I am talking to myself more that I am talking to God.

This time of year I start to really think about what goals I am going to be setting for myself and for our family for the next year. There are many items of self improvement I have planned for myself. But I have realized if I could just step out of the way and let God work in my life, He would accomplish far more than I can do. This is difficult for a girl with control issues....but essential for a girl who wants nothing more than to be transformed and walk in faith.

***UPDATE: I called FW and left a message. She sent me an email stating she would be out of the office the rest of the day due to a funeral (we have a mutual friend who died on Monday) and she will call and we will chat on Monday.

Prayer for the day:
Lord, I have faith in you. I believe you can transform me and I believe you will. Lord, lead us where you want us to go and we will follow. We are preparing our home for you to fill it with the child or children you feel need us and that we need. Lord, in your time, let it be.

Because of Jesus,
Amen