It is Friday. We did not hear from FW this week. I guess this means she did not hear from the state this week. What a bummer. I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed. I know a few more days in the big scheme of things is no big deal, but I really wanted to hear this week. The good news is I have enough to keep me busy over the weekend to keep my mind occupied. But whether industry will be the cure for the inpatients is yet to be seen.
I need to put this out of my mind. Figuring out just how to do that---(shrugs).
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, Monday
Today is Monday. Just a normal little Monday in the line of many Mondays which have passed and by the grace of God those which will come. This Monday is special for no particular reason, just the first day in the week we are hoping to hear that we have been approved by the state of Kentucky and we can move on to the meet and greet portion of the show. It is a pretty Monday. It is lovely outside, it is comfortable inside.
While we sit and wait, I thought I would share with you some good news. Some friends of ours from church have adopted again. This is their fourth adoption. The courts of Ethiopia have declared the G's as parents of a most beautiful little 2 year old boy. They will be leaving on September 10th to meet him and bring him home. What a celebration that will be. Their family is so beautiful, and what an addition they are receiving. So excited for them.
Our little church family has been so greatly impacted by adoption. The G's little boy will be the 10th child adopted into the families of our church in the past 10 years. What an amazing gift to be a part of a group where such experience and wisdom has been combined with overwhelming generosity. Beyond the children who have been permanently placed into families, there are more children than I am able to count who have been fostered and nurtured by the families in our church family. Along with our family, there is another who is working toward adopting through the state. We did not know the other was going to be going through the classes until we showed up at the classes and the other was there.
It is a great comfort to Nathan and I, as well as our children, to look around on this journey we are taking and see so many familiar faces journeying along with us. I love having those with experience sharing their perspectives with us. I love that when we are sad, frustrated, elated, and/or scared, there are so many we can call and find empathy. Just another reason I love our church family.
So it is Monday and I am distracted by the hope of what this week will bring us. So leaving a prayer here that if you would like to join with me in praying I would appreciate!
Father, You are so GOOD. I will be coming to you each day of this week praising your name for all that you are. You are the God who created us. You are the God who gave us the choice to love you. You are the God who provided us the way back to You through your son. You know what it is like to wait on the children you are wanting to adopt, because you have waited on me. You know what it is like to be patient, please help me to be patient. You know what it is like to wait for approval, you are waiting for that from so many. But I know you are with me. I feel you in my heart, I see you all around me. I see you as you join child with family. I see you when you touch the lives of those I love with your Goodness. I see you in hurt and pain, for you are there providing comfort. I praise you God for providing a body of people to encourage and teach me. Thank you Lord. This week as we await the word from the state, Lord please just hold us in your hand and if it is your will, please let the decision be made in our favor and quickly,
Through the name of Jesus,
Amen
While we sit and wait, I thought I would share with you some good news. Some friends of ours from church have adopted again. This is their fourth adoption. The courts of Ethiopia have declared the G's as parents of a most beautiful little 2 year old boy. They will be leaving on September 10th to meet him and bring him home. What a celebration that will be. Their family is so beautiful, and what an addition they are receiving. So excited for them.
Our little church family has been so greatly impacted by adoption. The G's little boy will be the 10th child adopted into the families of our church in the past 10 years. What an amazing gift to be a part of a group where such experience and wisdom has been combined with overwhelming generosity. Beyond the children who have been permanently placed into families, there are more children than I am able to count who have been fostered and nurtured by the families in our church family. Along with our family, there is another who is working toward adopting through the state. We did not know the other was going to be going through the classes until we showed up at the classes and the other was there.
It is a great comfort to Nathan and I, as well as our children, to look around on this journey we are taking and see so many familiar faces journeying along with us. I love having those with experience sharing their perspectives with us. I love that when we are sad, frustrated, elated, and/or scared, there are so many we can call and find empathy. Just another reason I love our church family.
So it is Monday and I am distracted by the hope of what this week will bring us. So leaving a prayer here that if you would like to join with me in praying I would appreciate!
Father, You are so GOOD. I will be coming to you each day of this week praising your name for all that you are. You are the God who created us. You are the God who gave us the choice to love you. You are the God who provided us the way back to You through your son. You know what it is like to wait on the children you are wanting to adopt, because you have waited on me. You know what it is like to be patient, please help me to be patient. You know what it is like to wait for approval, you are waiting for that from so many. But I know you are with me. I feel you in my heart, I see you all around me. I see you as you join child with family. I see you when you touch the lives of those I love with your Goodness. I see you in hurt and pain, for you are there providing comfort. I praise you God for providing a body of people to encourage and teach me. Thank you Lord. This week as we await the word from the state, Lord please just hold us in your hand and if it is your will, please let the decision be made in our favor and quickly,
Through the name of Jesus,
Amen
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Finally a word.
As you can tell from my last post, the being patient is killing me. I have such a huge appreciation for the absolute unreasonable load of work our sweet FW has and how she is juggling in files the well being of children with the paperwork required by the state, with smiles and personality. However, I have the patience of a child waiting on Santa Claus the night before Christmas, and it is KILLING me. ***Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue----patience is not my virtue***
At long last we heard from FW yesterday. She needed dates for the last dental visits for the children and then the file was being packed off and sent to the state. I received an email last night which stated "we will know something next week." Whoo Hoo...I can do next week. Apparently, our whole completed homestudy disappeared off her computer after a storm--poor lady, so there was a bit of a delay. But we should be reaching the end of this phase of the journey, and I am certainly ready to be on the next leg...where the boys are!
Please pray the state accepts our file and they just use 1 week to make a decision.
Prayer for the Day,
We are lifting praises up to you today because we know you are in control. We know you have a plan, a time, a way. We know we are impatient and we ask you to forgive our impatience. We know we are reactionary and we ask you to forgive our lack of discipline.
We pray that you be with the state workers who are dealing with our file. Lord we ask that if there is any reason we would not be the best place for a child that our file be defeated by the system. However, if we can be a tool for healing, a home for growing, arms for loving and ears for hearing, please bless this effort with a speedy acceptance.
Lord, please be with Nathan, the children and myself as we prepare for the changes we are so hoping will come our way. We ask you to soften our hearts, fill us with your Spirit.
It is because of you we can know love, it is only because you have extended grace to us we can show grace in small portions to others. We want to be your tools for service. Use us as you see necessary.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen
At long last we heard from FW yesterday. She needed dates for the last dental visits for the children and then the file was being packed off and sent to the state. I received an email last night which stated "we will know something next week." Whoo Hoo...I can do next week. Apparently, our whole completed homestudy disappeared off her computer after a storm--poor lady, so there was a bit of a delay. But we should be reaching the end of this phase of the journey, and I am certainly ready to be on the next leg...where the boys are!
Please pray the state accepts our file and they just use 1 week to make a decision.
Prayer for the Day,
We are lifting praises up to you today because we know you are in control. We know you have a plan, a time, a way. We know we are impatient and we ask you to forgive our impatience. We know we are reactionary and we ask you to forgive our lack of discipline.
We pray that you be with the state workers who are dealing with our file. Lord we ask that if there is any reason we would not be the best place for a child that our file be defeated by the system. However, if we can be a tool for healing, a home for growing, arms for loving and ears for hearing, please bless this effort with a speedy acceptance.
Lord, please be with Nathan, the children and myself as we prepare for the changes we are so hoping will come our way. We ask you to soften our hearts, fill us with your Spirit.
It is because of you we can know love, it is only because you have extended grace to us we can show grace in small portions to others. We want to be your tools for service. Use us as you see necessary.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Dreams
I have been dreaming lately. I seem to dream in cycles. I guess I dream my most vivid dreams when I have a lot on my mind and when I am trying not to talk about what is on my mind. I guess my nature to express myself when denied is manifested in my dreams and voila--big, full color, can remember every detail the next morning dreams pour out of my tiny little brain. This week I have been continuously dreaming about the first week the boys come to stay with us. All week long, the same dream enters my sleepy world and continues into the next night...my own little miniseries, I guess.
I am a bit leery of becoming so "sure" that these boys will be ours. There are still so many hurdles to overcome. We still need to get the state's official stamp approval, then there is the boy's caseworker, the boys themselves, and of course us. I guess it would not be a "Journey of Faith" if it was all a sure thing.
I remember being pregnant with Noah and because from the moment we realized we were expecting I was confident he was a boy and his name would be Noah, I felt so connected to him. I remind myself of how I had faith in that time of waiting that the end result would be Noah Jones...I did not know what he would be like or if he would be healthy. Truth be told I did not know if he would be born alive. I had faith he would. I believed he would. I had no reason to doubt.
With one of the miscarriages Nate and I experienced, I came to lose a bit of faith I once had. I had clear evidence that just because you are presented with the possibility of a child, does not always mean that the end result would be what you hoped for or what you expected. While I feel healing from the hurt we experienced, I do recognize the scar that was left on my heart. Sometimes my thoughts see that scar, just as my eyes see the scars on my legs, and I am reminded. I am reminded of how unified in crisis Nate and I became. I am reminded of how God held us as we clinged to Him in our sorrow. I am reminded that the only pain you really forget about is pain in the body, not the heart.
The truth is pain of the heart is not like pain of the body in any way. You burn yourself you learn, don't do that again. And if you are wise, you don't. In my experience, when you feel pain of the heart, you become more resolved to try again, because when something pains your heart you realize how worthy it is.
I know the name of these boys. And just like I knew Noah's name as he grew inside me, I can identify with them, I have come to know them even without meeting them. I have faith that they will be ours, even in the knowledge that there is a lot that could happen. I think maybe this is what God feels like when he thinks of Us. He knows our name. He recognizes we may not become His--amazing that he gives us the choice. But I imagine if I am hoping as I am for these boys, how much more He is hoping for me, and for you. How beautiful to know he wants me and that He knows my name.
I am a bit leery of becoming so "sure" that these boys will be ours. There are still so many hurdles to overcome. We still need to get the state's official stamp approval, then there is the boy's caseworker, the boys themselves, and of course us. I guess it would not be a "Journey of Faith" if it was all a sure thing.
I remember being pregnant with Noah and because from the moment we realized we were expecting I was confident he was a boy and his name would be Noah, I felt so connected to him. I remind myself of how I had faith in that time of waiting that the end result would be Noah Jones...I did not know what he would be like or if he would be healthy. Truth be told I did not know if he would be born alive. I had faith he would. I believed he would. I had no reason to doubt.
With one of the miscarriages Nate and I experienced, I came to lose a bit of faith I once had. I had clear evidence that just because you are presented with the possibility of a child, does not always mean that the end result would be what you hoped for or what you expected. While I feel healing from the hurt we experienced, I do recognize the scar that was left on my heart. Sometimes my thoughts see that scar, just as my eyes see the scars on my legs, and I am reminded. I am reminded of how unified in crisis Nate and I became. I am reminded of how God held us as we clinged to Him in our sorrow. I am reminded that the only pain you really forget about is pain in the body, not the heart.
The truth is pain of the heart is not like pain of the body in any way. You burn yourself you learn, don't do that again. And if you are wise, you don't. In my experience, when you feel pain of the heart, you become more resolved to try again, because when something pains your heart you realize how worthy it is.
I know the name of these boys. And just like I knew Noah's name as he grew inside me, I can identify with them, I have come to know them even without meeting them. I have faith that they will be ours, even in the knowledge that there is a lot that could happen. I think maybe this is what God feels like when he thinks of Us. He knows our name. He recognizes we may not become His--amazing that he gives us the choice. But I imagine if I am hoping as I am for these boys, how much more He is hoping for me, and for you. How beautiful to know he wants me and that He knows my name.
Friday, August 7, 2009
God is so good....
I am no longer completely thrown off by seeing God respond to the specific prayer requests we have been asking. I still remain completely astonished and amazed that he does it, but no longer am I surprised. He has been so good to us. I must share with you how often God makes himself known to me.
In this time of waiting, I have to admit that the evil one has tried to attack my heart. Fear and doubt have been his tools. There has been a lot of down time, we were so busy for so long and now the quiet is deafening. Much to my shame I have accepted the offer to slow dance with satan as he uses his tools on me, but my God is stronger than I give Him credit for, and he has continually counter -balanced these tools. This is a fun story to tell, just because I have given up coincidence. We know the names of the boys we are going to consider. Well, we know their first and last names. For fun, I put their first names and our last name into a name generating program we found on line to come up with a middle name.
Two things you should know before I finish this story:
1. Nathan's favorite boy name of all time is Xavier. Noah would have been Xavier, Macy would have been Xavier, Molly would have been Xavier, children that were not born would have been Xavier....you get my point. He loves the name Xavier.
2. We do not want to mess with the identity these boys have established, however we would like to give them a name (we gave all our other children a name), so we have contemplated legally changing their middle names when we change their last name.
So, I put in the names and push the enter button to see what middle name would pop up. Enter, wait....Xavier. Huh, let's try again. Enter, wait....Noah. Wow. One more time....Enter, wait...Nathan. Ok, now it is time to call Nate and tell him this neat story. We have been praying for God to clearly show us if these boys are "our boys". That seemed pretty clear, huh?
The next story comes after two weeks of really going in circles with Satan and his unfair use of fear and doubt. We were heading out of town for a few days without the children and we were dropping them off at Nate's parents house for the time. We spent the night with Trevor and Amanda and went to church with them. The sermon could not be more suited for this current battle. Letting go of control, realizing how God is bigger than anything that we fear. The preacher actually said, "there are some of you who are thinking about adopting, but are worried that there might be health issues, situations that will cause you pain--don't you realize your doubting God to allow this fear to control your thinking?" I hear you, Lord. I hear you, I don't want to doubt. I have faith in you.
I do not know how this will all end. I do not know if these two little boys are OUR boys, but I do know and feel compelled to share that God is OUR God. He is in control of the boys lives and He is in control of our lives and I KNOW that what happens will be for His glory. I could go on and on of how these boys are just what we feel is best for our family--when you consider ages, life experiences, etc. I could tell you over and over how we have asked for specific situations to happen, and they have. I can tell you over and over how things we have specifically asked for have been blatantly denied--answered clearly NO!, which is again an answered prayer in which we asked that we be defeated clearly in the things that were not God's will.
God is good and we are putting our faith in Him.. What a blessing.
In this time of waiting, I have to admit that the evil one has tried to attack my heart. Fear and doubt have been his tools. There has been a lot of down time, we were so busy for so long and now the quiet is deafening. Much to my shame I have accepted the offer to slow dance with satan as he uses his tools on me, but my God is stronger than I give Him credit for, and he has continually counter -balanced these tools. This is a fun story to tell, just because I have given up coincidence. We know the names of the boys we are going to consider. Well, we know their first and last names. For fun, I put their first names and our last name into a name generating program we found on line to come up with a middle name.
Two things you should know before I finish this story:
1. Nathan's favorite boy name of all time is Xavier. Noah would have been Xavier, Macy would have been Xavier, Molly would have been Xavier, children that were not born would have been Xavier....you get my point. He loves the name Xavier.
2. We do not want to mess with the identity these boys have established, however we would like to give them a name (we gave all our other children a name), so we have contemplated legally changing their middle names when we change their last name.
So, I put in the names and push the enter button to see what middle name would pop up. Enter, wait....Xavier. Huh, let's try again. Enter, wait....Noah. Wow. One more time....Enter, wait...Nathan. Ok, now it is time to call Nate and tell him this neat story. We have been praying for God to clearly show us if these boys are "our boys". That seemed pretty clear, huh?
The next story comes after two weeks of really going in circles with Satan and his unfair use of fear and doubt. We were heading out of town for a few days without the children and we were dropping them off at Nate's parents house for the time. We spent the night with Trevor and Amanda and went to church with them. The sermon could not be more suited for this current battle. Letting go of control, realizing how God is bigger than anything that we fear. The preacher actually said, "there are some of you who are thinking about adopting, but are worried that there might be health issues, situations that will cause you pain--don't you realize your doubting God to allow this fear to control your thinking?" I hear you, Lord. I hear you, I don't want to doubt. I have faith in you.
I do not know how this will all end. I do not know if these two little boys are OUR boys, but I do know and feel compelled to share that God is OUR God. He is in control of the boys lives and He is in control of our lives and I KNOW that what happens will be for His glory. I could go on and on of how these boys are just what we feel is best for our family--when you consider ages, life experiences, etc. I could tell you over and over how we have asked for specific situations to happen, and they have. I can tell you over and over how things we have specifically asked for have been blatantly denied--answered clearly NO!, which is again an answered prayer in which we asked that we be defeated clearly in the things that were not God's will.
God is good and we are putting our faith in Him.. What a blessing.
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