Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Classes, Paperwork, and Homestudy

It has been awhile since I have had the opportunity to sit and think long enough to write an entry on this blog. This past week we finished the MAPP classes and it was very profitable. Nathan and I had to drive seperately to all of these classes and I think it was good for me to have the alone time in the car to process all we learned, heard, felt in the class. I cried many nights on the way home and prayed a lot for wisdom and understanding. I really struggle with what these kids are going through. I struggle with feeling any compassion and grace toward the parents who are damaging these children in very profound ways. I feel so naive, and in that naivety so blessed to not know what these children are being taught. It really helps to convict my heart this journey is a righteous one and I can hardly wait to open our home and hearts to a child or children who need us. What I am learning each moment in this is I can hardly wait to open our home and hearts to a child or children because we need them.

Class #10 was very powerful. It was the open panel night. It was the night foster parents, adoptive parents, social workers and invited birth parents come to tell their story, answer questions, and give perspective of what it is to live in this life we are journeying to. In ways it is scary to hear their stories. They all have dealt with a lot. These kids are not going to be perfect little angel babies born into our families. These are children who will push the boundaries to see if we will walk out on them too. I think the most profound statement made to me was the statement made by the social worker. She was asked, "What is the hardest part of your job?" To which she began to sob and say, "When I have to look a child in the eye and tell them, I am sorry but you are never going to get to go back home." To imagine what that must feel like burdens my heart. It burdens my heart that my child, whom I have yet to meet is going to have to hear those words if he has not already.

Class #11 was a potluck and some final items. The last lesson of the night was about being prepared for what you can not be prepared for. One of the activities of the night was we had to write down 3 words we found offensive. All those words were placed in a basket and we each had to draw out a word. We had to say the word aloud. And then if you wrote the word you had to say "That's my word". The point is to be prepared to hear language from even the youngest of children who don't know better and to respond, not in shock or disgust, but in loving direction of what is appropriate and acceptable. In ways it was a bit humerous, in others ways a bit disgusting. But yet again, a bit of perspective.

We turned our paperwork in at class #11. It seemed a lot of work. Gathering information, trying to find answers to questions you scarecely think about. The teachers of our classes help put that into perspective by stating, "Think about what all you would want to know and share about your child if a stranger was to suddenly be their primary caretaker." Enough said.....

Part of our package was to provide pictures for children to look at if we were chosen to be their home. The pictures would help the child feel more comfortable with us and our spot in the world while waiting for us to come and get them. I got creative one night and decided to make a slideshow with music, because I thought it would be more intersting. If I can figure how to put it on here, I will.

Next Thursday, the 9th we have our first visit for our home study. I am pretty excited about getting the house set up for a new child. We will need to have a bed set up in Noah's room. When our caseworker set the time with us, she told us she would be bringing the file of two boys she would like us to think exciting and completely terrifying. I forwarded the message on to Nate and he had the same reaction.....oh my that is fast, but man I am glad it is fast. So we have a lot of praying to do over the next couple of weeks and I have a lot of work to accomplish!

Well that brings us up to date. Please pray for us as we continue on this journey. Pray for our child who is not currently living with us now, please pray God fill his heart with peace and comfort while he is dealing with his current circumstances.

Lord God,

Please give us courage to face the unknown,

the love to open ourselves to a child in need,

the mercy and compassion we will need to love a stranger,

the hope that You are not only guiding the road, but created the road we are walking,

the wisdom to listen to Your direction,

and the faith You are with us in it all,

Because of Jesus we pray,


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