Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Dear Birth Mother,

It seems strange to me that someone I have only met once and will only see for minutes a week can have such a profound effect on my thoughts. There are few minutes to pass before I am contemplating you, your situation and how you could live in such a way that your precious little ones are living at my house instead of yours. They are precious and precocious and perfect. They are sad and scared and sick from not being old enough to understand why strangers pulled them from your arms and placed them in mine. They cry at night as I put them to bed begging to go home, wanting "Mommy and Daddy." Imagine the confusion that must be going on in their heads when sentences like, "Mommy, (meaning me) I want to go home and see my Mommy (meaning you)" Imagine my confusion when they hurt or are sad and they cry out for "Momma" and I don't know if it is me they want or you.

You should know I don't believe it to be God's plan for me to raise your children. He entrusted them to you. He made them to look like you and their Daddy, to share special natural likenesses in tastes and mannerisms. He gave these children to you as a precious gift to love and cherish so you could feel in a very minute way the love He feels for you. It is not His plan for you to live your life in such a way your own children can not be with you. He wants you to love them. But I believe, it is His plan for me to raise them if you refuse to take care of His gift. Please know I have no doubts in my mind I could love these children as if they were my own flesh and blood if you refuse to do whatever it takes to be what they need.

My heart's request is for you to choose quickly and make a solid commitment to either be the best mother you can be for these children by removing the demons from your life or be the best mother you can be for these children by removing yourself from theirs. Please do not make these children spend years of their childhoods bouncing back and forth between you and your demons. Please don't let them know they have come 2nd or 5th or 100th in your life, but instead let them know you love them first and foremost. Whether that is by using the time they are with me to improve yourself, your life, and your situation and never looking back in the direction from which you came or if by realizing you never will and letting them go...please don't selfishly hurt them for your own needs.

I pray for you hourly, I am trying so hard not to judge you. I love your children.



  1. That was pretty profound Sara!! I promise to pray for those babies and you and Nathan that the best thing will work out for their lives!! I love you and appreciate what you are doing!! love, Aunt Lana

  2. My heart aches for all of you in this situation. Those sweet little voices I talked to on the phone, the parents that have chosen to live in a way that keeps their children from them, for you, Nathan, and the kids for loving them. I can only imagine how difficult it all is and am just so proud of you for being Christ to these beautiful babies.

    I love you!

  3. Beautiful. Profound. Made me bawl! Thanks for sharing!